Ones upon a time I had a huge void within. This void attracted anything and everything without judgement, without prescreening, and without any requirements. I wholeheartedly believe that many people have had this exact feeling at some point or another and quite possibly still feeling it.
Through this time in my life I needed “friends” around, I needed to be on the phone, I needed at the very least, loud music in my ears. I did not want to be alone and much less to listen to the chatter coming from within that made me feel like I didn’t belong, like something was missing or quite frankly wrong.
All those people I let in left me even more empty and confused than when I began. They weren’t bad people, but they weren’t the void I was trying to fill. I began to realize that I needed to find a new way to fill the void.
We are a bit of everyone we let inside our circle. That can be a great thing but usually it is a Very scary fact. Some of us have a very tight circle. Some are so lost and desperate to fill the void that instead of a tight circle they have a whole auditorium. This can cause so much confusion, mental health issues, depression and anxiety just to mention a few effects.
Ironically in order for me to fill that void I had to go away from everyone. I had to disappear from everyone I knew. I came to this conclusion when the ones closest to me ended up in very dark places including death. There was enough talk, enough pondering. Action needed to take place and no one around was up for the journey. This is the first time I came to the conclusion that no one was coming to save me, I had to become my own hero.
I ran away from it all. I had to go on a journey to get to find myself. This journey led me to some scary places, some dark places, some great places and they were all needed. I was sad, mad, lonely, scared and so confused.
But in the end I raised my standards, I was extremely picky of who I let get near my circle. I became very judgemental of people. Not in a way that I was negative to them but in a way that I required certain things from people I let in my extremely tight circle.
I required a hunger for more in life, I required a positive mindset, an optimistic outlook on life, and someone who was going to add value to my life. Usually value was added in having great conversations, bouncing ideas back and forth with each other helping each other grow and inspiring each other whether they knew they were or not.
I intentionally try to add value to as many people I come in contact with. Usually via inspiration. I try to add value by being a great role model and example to them. Since I’ve raised my standards, I require anyone who I let enter my very tight circle to add value to my life. We should add kindle to each other and I require others to add kindle to my fire rather than extinguish my fire and much less piss on my flames which unfortunately many will do if you let them in your circle.
Now I can be viewed as a recluse, a loner and some may even say I’m judgemental, heck I even say that. I have many acquaintances whom I’m very friendly with and I call just about everyone my friend.
Nevertheless, I pretty much don’t have a circle anymore. I have family. That’s the only ones I let in that close anymore. I am very okay with that.
As I’ve matured, I have filled the void with self love, with purpose, with positive actionables and by adding value to others.
This has taken an outrageous amount of energy, discipline and a relentless work ethic. I have no time for nonsense or senseless activities or interactions. I have priorities in order to continue to be fulfilled.
I must work hard at adding value to my son’s, to my marriage, to my job and most importantly, I must consistently work on myself. All this takes a huge portion of my 24 hours every day.
I realize that most people are not like me and that’s ok, some are even thankful for that fact ha ha. But this is my life and I’ve chosen to raise my standards in order to live a fulfilling and purposeful life.
I surely hope this little piece of my journey and realization may help you come up with some clues as to how to find your purpose and how you may fill your void.